knowitallgirl

A Single Fortunate Event

Ms. Milway and I enjoyed a night out on the town this evening in the closest thing San Francisco has to Hollywood - a movie premiere for local boy done good Daniel Handler (a.k.a. Lemony Snicket) and his new film A Series of Unfortunate Events about the Baudelaire orphans from his same-titled series of books. As the event was also a benefit for 826 Valencia, Mr. Dave Eggers was also in attendance, and undoubtedly some other less recognizable authors to make it truly a literary-studded extraganza. Yours truly got in due to my efforts in helping the less fortunate youth of San Francisco get in to college by reading their admissions essays through 826's tutoring program.

I must admit, though I've been wanting to read Mr. Snicket's books, I've been too busy reading about, oh, thesaurus creation and taking finals to have that sort of fun. And unlike a few years ago where I approached Mr. Snicket, tipsy, at a Litquake party (true), I did not accost him with the knowledge that his cousin Sam is my good friend from college (also true). But the movie was great -- it's gotta beat the pants off of "Christmas with the Kranks" anyday.

Jesus wrote me! This is not miracle.

Not to belabor the religious theme today, but Jesus just wrote me. Here's what he said:

From: "Jesus"
Subject: Little magic. Perfect weekends.

Cialis Soft Tabs: perfect feeling of being men again.
Starts working within just 15 minutes.

SOFT TABS:
Info Site

You take a candy and get hard rock erection.
This is not miracle. This is just Soft Tabs.

Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria

Finals laugh break. I'm still having trouble believing this site is for real, but hey, they even have a celebrity column (by Kirk Cameron of Growing Pains fame). Anyway, I present to you, the "Fellowship Baptist Creation Science Fair 2001," complete with entries such as "Women Were Designed For Homemaking" and "Thermodynamics Of Hell Fire." I'm so glad they're teaching these kids to "break the cycle of Evolutionism dogma that is paralyzing scientific development and making higher education a dumping ground for the excesses of materialistic philosophies." It's certainly true that the current state of science in the US is holding this country back. Looks like it's time to release the creative powers of CREATIONISM!

But do make sure you take time to ask yourself why you have forsaken the Baby Jesus. And when you're done being completely and utterly creeped out, check out the anti-fornication thong. "This undergarment will remind anyone who is tempted to fornicate to not forsake the Baby Jesus... He is watching, always watching."

Please someone tell me these people aren't for real. Pretty please?